Reality type: Meat-based

Species: Vampire

Known aliases: Count Garycula

Replicant type: Investment parasite

Best before: 04/23/2023

Known associates: DC blood bank, Comet Pizza

Interests: Hemoglobin, draining investors’ life energy

GPT linguistic simulation:

Gary was already halfway through one of his heavily practised answers when he glanced up from his watch. He had vaguely listened to the question from the Fox News reporter, safe in the knowledge that only five minutes remained of the press conference. The moment the reporter's nosebleed began, however, everything changed.

Gary’s security personnel shared familiar worried glances among themselves as his sentence trailed off; his increasingly rabid gaze fixed upon the steam of crimson above the reporter’s succulent upper lip. With all the press attention from the case, he hadn’t fed in weeks. 

He feigned a nervous smile from his gradually reddening face, quickly shielding his mouth with a trembling hand as he felt the throbbing in his gums that always preceded the involuntary protraction of his fangs.

He felt both exposed and relieved that this time, there was finally no hope of hiding; of escaping the beast within.

The room descended into pandemonium as he assumed his true form, sending the table of microphones flying as he burst forth to feast on anything with a pulse.

15 minutes and a few silver bullets later, the cleanup team was in full flow; only two witnesses’ memories left to wipe.